I take issue too, with your phrase “choose to abandon God.” This would make sense only if I believed God exists. Atheism is not believing in any gods, God included. You can’t abandon something that isn’t. At best you could say “abandon belief in God.” But in my case, and Official Let’s Go Brandon Classic T shirt T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater have quite properly asked only about individual cases, I didn’t “abandon,” rather, my belief left me. It wasn’t a choice, either, for the same reason. The notion that God exists just became less and less credible, as I matured, as I gained experience in the world, as I learned more. The proximate cause was the great Santa hoax. I believed in Santa, more than I ever believed in God and Jesus.
In the truck later, I was thumbing through it. Lots of great art there. We stopped so the boss could go inside his house and do whatever it was he did when we stopped there. I got to the end pages, and then the back jacket. I was reading that, kinda like the liner notes on a record, but for a book. I’m reading it to the end, learning about the author when all the sudden a pike of money slides out. It just kept coming out. Bill after bill.. I could feel it was old. My hands felt kind of musty. I got scared. My ears were hot. I couldn’t think so good. I bundled the wad of cash up, tucked it into my Official Let’s Go Brandon Classic T shirt T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater. Here comes the boss. Back on the job I’m sweating it. What is this money? Who’s is it? Is this some kind of test? Is it God? It is X Mass time… I went inside the outhouse and counted out $1137.00. I never told anyone about it outside of my family for years. I was afraid soneone would claim it. I’d be branded a bad guy. It sure made a poor ass families Christmas that year though.
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Sometime in the middle of night, I had started screaming. My mom rushed into my room and found me sitting up in bed, screaming, “ROY! ROY! ROY! ROY!” She did her best to calm me down while shooing away my pissed-off sister who had stormed in to find out what the fuck was going on with me. She asked me who Roy was, but I would only say that he was “a bad man.” I didn’t say anything but “Roy is a bad man.” I’m shocked as they’re telling me all of Official Let’s Go Brandon Classic T shirt T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater. And they’re surprised that I don’t remember — but then again, I’m the sound sleeper of the house who can doze through lightning storms. We write it off as some weird nightmare that I don’t remember. Years later, I’m off at my first year of college. My mom sends me a videotape in the mail; she didn’t mention it before I had left, as in “Hey, keep your eye on the mailbox” or anything. I press play, and it’s my mom taking a video camera through our house. She was moving, and sent the tape as one last walk through of the now-empty house before she left. It was sweet and a little tear-jerking, until she said, “So, here’s something you might find interesting,” when she approached a closet in her bedroom.
By Xmas I’ll be transferring from a Official Let’s Go Brandon Classic T shirt T Shirt Hoodie, Sweater family home with enough money in the bank to become homeless poor and broke. While she has already set up her new pretend life where she’s assaulted my son by punching head butting and biting him. Ongoing verbal abuse is abhorrent, yet police won’t even speak with her about it let alone lay any charges. She somehow manages to deflect any attention to her from child protection, police family and friends. While I go to the grocery store and people look at me in disgust. She also won’t give my two dogs back to me which she abuses . So in my case I don’t need to dig deep to hate her but I need to dig deep to pull myself out of this depressive state of mind I’ve been in for almost two years. This pathetic behaviour was after I found my father on his kitchen floor where he suffered a heart attack. Then over a five week period he also got pneumonia and then sadly passed three days before my birthday and buried three days afterwards. I was made to feel guilty because a week after his burial the ex narc started with her derogatory comments telling me that I was lazy for laying in bed all day doing nothing while she was having to do extra burdens as she put it and also pfft at my depression and anxiety diagnosis. Thanks for taking the time to read and it’s somewhat comforting knowing that people understand what I’m on about where as the closest people around you don’t fully understand the devastating impact this takes on someone let alone children.